George Carlin Quotes.
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
DonвЂ™t just teach your children to readвЂ¦ Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
Always do whatever’s next.
If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
When someone is impatient and says, ‘I haven’t got all day,’ I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.