Groucho Marx Quotes

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Now there’s a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!

Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.